Monday, July 26, 2004

Our Selfish Hearts

Today I found out that life has a funny way of showing us our faults.  Today, I learned that sometimes the most frustrating things in our lives can end up being situations that teach us the most. 
    As I made my way to the Bus Stop, I found myself parched.  Since I had time before my bus arrived, I decided to get some water from a fast food restaurant that was near me.   As I made my way out of the restaurant, I saw that my bus was at its stop.  I ran to the bus, however, as I approached it, it began to close its doors.  My hands knocked on the glass as it began to drive off, however,  it did not stop.  It simply proceeded on its path.   The next bus was scheduled to come in the next couple of minutes, however, I was still so angry with that bus driver.  Why didn't he stop?  I felt so jaded.   My attitude was sour, and my actions matched my attitude.  
   This event reminded me of an incident that happened the night before.  My boyfriend, some friends, and I went to see Spiderman 2 last night after church.  Near the theater, parking was horrible. We had been driving in the area for fifteen minutes and still had not found anything. It was so frustrating driving up and down those parking structures and failing to find a spot.    What made it even more frustrating,  was seeing a spot open up and then watch as another driver drove into it before we had the chance.  And I forgot to mention that they had just entered the parking structure.......
     I immediately wanted to honk the horn with anger.  We had been driving for fifteen minutes to find parking and they merely drove into the structure and found something.  I could not believe that that had just happened.  It just seemed so unfair.  But, you know what I, also, find interesting,  how the prosperity given or mercy shown to others can make us jealous.  We always want the good of what others have because somehow we feel we deserve it better.   In that incidence, I felt we derserved the parking spot more than they did.  Both those stories had a similar theme, they both reflected me and what I wanted.  I didn't like how others had treated me, however, I did not think twice about the attitude I was bestowing upon them.
   I was instantly jolted from my thinking last night, when a friend said, "You should be happy that they were able to find parking.   It is just as hard for them as it is for us, they were just blessed to find one."  If I was to be completely honest, I would say that those words were not the most appealing to me when I heard them, however, they spoke truth.   And truth is not always easy, though often needs to be said.   When life doesn't go the way I planned, that doesn't mean I should be mad at the one who does have life go the right way, I should be happy for them.  And though a bus driver refuses to let me on his bus, doesn't mean I have the right to be rude to him.     
      I am learning that the life you live is always a reflection of what is inside.  And we are selfish human beings, who long for justice for ourselves and forget about the injustice we bring to others.   We want peace, mercy, grace, and love.  All these things that make us feel whole.  It is our selfishness that demands these things of others and our selfishness that makes us mad when we don't get them.  And then we also claim to have already lived them out for others.  However, it is actually the ambsence of selfishness, that bring those things to fruition in our lives and enables us to give them to others. 

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